I don't sleep much these days. Too many thoughts, too many hot flashes, an ever weakening bladder. A good night's sleep is something I should have valued more when I was fortunate enough to have one.
It's amazing to me the number of thoughts that can come into a person's head in the quiet, dark moments of late night and early morning. Some nights so many that I truly believe it would be impossible to count. Sometimes the thoughts are fleeting, and silly, "I hope I have enough coffee left to make a cup in the morning." I know, you diehard coffee drinkers out there are thinking there is NOTHING silly about that thought! I however, am a one cup (sometimes half) decaf drinker, so this thought really doesn't warrant me losing sleep over it.
Other times the thoughts are deep, and sad, "I can't believe that it's been two months since Mom passed. I should have kissed her one more time. I should have asked her if she was sure when she said she was ready to go. Maybe she would have stayed longer if I asked her if she was sure. Maybe she would have been able to endure the chemo and radiation that would have faced her had she made it through this episode and we could have had her for a few more years. Maybe I should have tried to talk her out of dying. Maybe not."
Then there are thoughts that you feel can be potentially life changing like the one I had last night, "I am a writer...who never writes!" And that is ultimately why I've decided to start writing again. I know how vital writing is to my well being and yet my thoughts have not made it on to paper for quite some time now. I once sent a book of my writings to Joan Anderson (author of A Year By The Sea and other books) who praised what I had done and encouraged me to write a book of prose, as most of what I've written up until this point has been in the form of poetry. That was more than a decade ago and needless to say, it hasn't happened.
My New Year's resolution this year is to write something, ANYTHING, as often as possible, to share with you until I reach 100 entries. At that point, hopefully I'll be able to look back and feel that I've contributed something to your life, but more importantly I hope I will have contributed something to MY life. I promise my entries to be honest, from the heart, hopefully relatable and definitely simply put.
I look forward to sharing this journey with you!
xo,
Carrie
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All I can say... Hopefully this turns into a 365 for not one year, not two but for many....
ReplyDeleteNice job! Welcome to blogging. I think you will find it such a good thing for your self. For me, who is not a writer, I found it so helpful when Zuzu came home. I have a private blog that I would write on all the time and it helped me resolve so many things!
ReplyDeleteNice first post and look forward to the next 365+. Love Kate
The next time I wake up in the middle of the night, I'll be comforted knowing you're up too! I'm happy you're blogging, and look forward to making your blog a new part of each day.
ReplyDeletexo,
Cindy
Well done, Sissie...well done. See you tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteCarol Griffith commented:
ReplyDeleteExcellant writing Carrie. I will try my best to read your blog everyday. Not only to I think of having coffee in the middle of the night. I wonder if there will be enough skim milk for my coffee.