Lisa Shannon

Last night I was lying on the couch, watching the end of the World News when a story came on about a woman named Lisa Shannon. Lisa had been lying on her couch watching Oprah one day when she learned about the war going on in the Congo (considered the worst place on earth to be a woman), and the atrocities going on there. The war has been going on for eight years now, millions of people have been murdered and countless women have been raped and tortured. Think about that for a minute if you will - being raped, tortured, and then watching the Militia kill your husband and your child. Think about that while you sip your coffee or debate what to make for lunch in your air conditioned house while your kids play freely and your husband does, well...whatever he does.

At the time that Lisa saw this Oprah show she was gainfully employed and engaged to be married. Something came over her in that moment and she knew she had to do something to help - "Literally millions of people have been killed and they haven't been missed so I decided I needed to do something to send the opposite message to the women of the Congo". She started by sponsoring two survivors through Women for Women International who provide job training and education to these women but quickly felt like it wasn't enough. She decided to organize a 30 mile run to raise money so she could sponsor more women. She trained and when the day of the race came she had raised $28,000. She said that every half mile she ran represented another woman for her and she was able to complete the run. At this point in her life she felt like helping these women was the most important thing she could do. Her engagement ended and she spent more and more time organizing runs which now take place all over the world. She said, "I don't have a fiance but I have 1000 women in the Congo who consider me their sister.".

About two years after watching that Oprah show, she decided to go visit her "sisters" in the Congo. Despite everything these women have gone through, she was met with singing and dancing and joyful faces. "They kept the letters they'd received from me and other sponsors in pouches around their necks where the letters could stay close to their hearts - like they were the most important thing they'd ever received.".

One woman whose name is Generose told her story of when the robbers came in the middle of the night, killed her husband and then cut off her leg. Lisa decided to do a run right there in the Congo with her "sisters" and Generose, dressed in a beautiful red dress and pearls with her prosthetic leg on, did the run with her (and the other women). As of now, Lisa's decision to get up off her couch and do something that day has provided hundreds of thousands of dollars to the women of the Congo and up to 12,000 women have been sponsored.

After the story ended I looked at my husband with tears in my eyes and said, "I don't know about you, but that story sure makes me feel like a piece of shit". His response was, "Yeah, you can't even get yourself motivated to shampoo the kitchen carpet" (gotta love that man)! I am determined to help aid Lisa in her fight to help these women. I don't know how yet, but I will start by buying her book called - A Thousand Sisters- and googling information about how to help. I would ask that you do the same and the next time I start to whine about my life, I give you all permission to slap me.

xo,
Carrie

Alice

I just read an entry in the online guestbook that's being kept for my aunt by the funeral home. I could not have said it better myself -

"Every once in a while you meet a person in life who is the essence of goodness. You aspire to be like that person, to love the way they've loved, to give to others the way they do, to believe in faith the way they do. Alice was one of those people, she made me want to be a better person. I will miss her smile and her goodness."

Amen to that.

xo,
Carrie

Domestic Violence

As we are being bombarded with the phone calls that Mel Gibson placed to his girlfriend all over the media I am reminded of how many people are victims of domestic violence that you never hear about. The ones who don't record the phone calls and have the evidence blasted all over the radio waves because they are too fearful for their lives. The ones who live every single moment of every single day in that fear and keep it to themselves. The ones that never make it out alive.

I read something several years ago (6/1/03 to be exact) that struck me so deeply that I've kept it all these years and I'd like to share it with you. Maybe when you hear the next phone call from Mel to Oksana broadcast on the radio or television you can say a prayer for all of the silent victims.


WHISPERED APOLOGIES

Clenched fists with knuckles turning white
Fingernails cutting into the flesh of palms

Eyes narrowed and lips pinched like a shriveled rosebud
Fists punching walls as blood streams from the knuckles

Trembling hands shredding tissues,
until nothing remains but a pile of dust

Objects flying through the air,
smashing into a thousand tiny pieces on the wall
Screaming, yelling, punching, kicking...

Regretting...

Rivers of salty tears flowing from bloodshot eyes
Whispered apologies from a defeated face
Begging for forgiveness,
for something she didn't do...

I'm sorry.


xo,
Carrie

Don't Ask

My aunt passed away a week ago today. My oldest sister and I were with her while one of my other sisters went home to change and get an overnight bag as she planned to stay the night with her. Her passing was so quick and so peaceful and I want to write about it but I honestly have not processed it yet so I think I'll hold off on that. What I do want to share is something I've learned through the passing of my mother and my aunt, something that I myself have been guilty of many times and vow never to do again.

When someone shares the news of a loved one's passing with you, don't ask how old they were. Or if the person was up in age, please don't make a statement somewhere along the lines of, "Oh, well they lived a full life". I understand fully that there is a very different grieving process involved when a loved one is lost at a young age or in a tragic way but the point here is that when YOU are the person who has just lost a loved one, at that moment their chronological age is completely irrelevant. Someone you loved very much is gone and can never be replaced and an emptiness is left behind whether they're eight or eighty eight years old. A simple, "I'm so sorry.", or a "What can I do?", or a heartfelt hug is enough.

Age doesn't matter when you've said goodbye to someone who's been an integral part of your family. Age doesn't matter when you've said goodbye to someone who's loved you unconditionally for your entire life. Age doesn't matter when your heart is broken from the loss of a loved one, so please... don't ask.

xo,
Carrie

Another Goodbye

My aunt was having trouble breathing about two weeks ago so she went to the ER where they decided to admit her. She had a similar episode a few months ago when they found some fluid on her lungs and has been seemingly good since then. Upon admitting her this time they did a chest xray and found what looked like a spot on her lung so they made her an appointment for a CT scan. She was out of the hospital by the time the results were in so my sister (one of the two nurses in the family) went with her to the doctors appointment last week to hear the results. While they weren't exactly expecting good news, neither of them were expecting to hear what they heard. There was no part of her lungs that did not show cancer and there was also a spot on her liver. I'm not sure you can hear a worse diganosis.

She's been staying at a rehab facility since she got out of the hospital and since then I've seen her several times. We've had a couple of "heart to hearts" which I'm SO thankful for because I just got a call from my sister that she's back in the hospital, two doors down from where my mom was. Damn it! I just stated to my daughter in law this morning that I was afraid this was going to progress much quicker than any of us are ready for and now I'm certain of it. My aunt has been dealing with kidney disease for a few years now and has faithfully gone to dialysis approximately every other day since she learned of it. She has been diligent about following a strict renal diet and has never lost the faith. Well, she just informed my sister that she is done with it. No more dialysis and someone please...bring her a tomato!

When I go see her tonight I will bring her the same medal I gave to Mom which she did not let go of her entire last week of life. The one that fell off of my keychain the day before the surgery that would prove to be the beginning of the end for her. The one that has a beautiful angel throwing stars into the sky on one side and the words "Protected by Angels" on the other. I can only hope that it will bring my aunt the same sense of comfort and protection that it did my mom.

The reality that my aunt has reached her final destination (here on earth) is setting in as I write this and I know now there is nothing left to do but shower her with hugs and kisses and prayers. Nothing left to do but be there with her to help make sure her needs are met in these final days. Nothing left for me to do now but accept that it's time for another goodbye.

xo,
Carrie

Hurtful words

Why is it that the people who are suppose to love us the most can say/do the most hurtful things? Is it because in time we just take someone's love for granted and believe that there's nothing we can say or do that will interfere with that love? Is it because we're tired or cranky or stressed or just plain fed up? Is it because we've lost the ability to hear our own words? At what point in a relationship do we cross that line? When do we go from not wanting to hurt our loved one's feelings for anything in the world to letting whatever wants to come out, come out with no second thoughts to the harm it could be causing? Do we stop caring or do we just stop paying attention?

I have been married for twenty eight years now and I have been both the giver and the receiver of some very hurtful words. Even after all of these years it never ceases to amaze me the power that words can have. I think it's important to remember that power, remember that words have the ability to cut straight to the heart. Let us not forget that words linger. You may have long forgotten those words spoken but the receiver's heart has not.

I know there are all sorts of circumstances that cause us to be careless with our words and I also know that there are times when our intention is to hurt because we've been hurt ourselves but here is the truth (my truth) about that - it's NOT okay. There is never a time when it is okay to use your words to make someone feel stupid or helpless or less than. It is not okay to chip away at someone's self esteem or say things to demean or promote a sense of inadequacy in someone because you're in a bad mood. It's not okay to burst someone else's bubble to inflate your own and it's definitely not okay to believe that you are superior in any way shape or form to another human being.

It's not okay - so just STOP.

xo,
Carrie