Another Goodbye

My aunt was having trouble breathing about two weeks ago so she went to the ER where they decided to admit her. She had a similar episode a few months ago when they found some fluid on her lungs and has been seemingly good since then. Upon admitting her this time they did a chest xray and found what looked like a spot on her lung so they made her an appointment for a CT scan. She was out of the hospital by the time the results were in so my sister (one of the two nurses in the family) went with her to the doctors appointment last week to hear the results. While they weren't exactly expecting good news, neither of them were expecting to hear what they heard. There was no part of her lungs that did not show cancer and there was also a spot on her liver. I'm not sure you can hear a worse diganosis.

She's been staying at a rehab facility since she got out of the hospital and since then I've seen her several times. We've had a couple of "heart to hearts" which I'm SO thankful for because I just got a call from my sister that she's back in the hospital, two doors down from where my mom was. Damn it! I just stated to my daughter in law this morning that I was afraid this was going to progress much quicker than any of us are ready for and now I'm certain of it. My aunt has been dealing with kidney disease for a few years now and has faithfully gone to dialysis approximately every other day since she learned of it. She has been diligent about following a strict renal diet and has never lost the faith. Well, she just informed my sister that she is done with it. No more dialysis and someone please...bring her a tomato!

When I go see her tonight I will bring her the same medal I gave to Mom which she did not let go of her entire last week of life. The one that fell off of my keychain the day before the surgery that would prove to be the beginning of the end for her. The one that has a beautiful angel throwing stars into the sky on one side and the words "Protected by Angels" on the other. I can only hope that it will bring my aunt the same sense of comfort and protection that it did my mom.

The reality that my aunt has reached her final destination (here on earth) is setting in as I write this and I know now there is nothing left to do but shower her with hugs and kisses and prayers. Nothing left to do but be there with her to help make sure her needs are met in these final days. Nothing left for me to do now but accept that it's time for another goodbye.

xo,
Carrie