Love Fest

I went to go pick up a little girl I've started watching from kindergarten the other day and I couldn't help but notice what an amazing love fest I was standing in the middle of! One by one the children would be let out of the door, only after the parent or caregiver had been spotted. The look on every child's face was the same, one of elation! They would run out the door, arms spread wide, squeeling "Mommmmmy" or "Daaaddddy" or simply squeeling and then jump into the arms of the person waiting. As if that wasn't wonderful enough, the reactions of the parents/caregivers were EXACTLY the same! They would squeel right back and scoop their little one up in their arms and squeeze tight. In those few moments after school let out I was completely engulfed in joy. Pure, air filling, heart warming, unbridled JOY! Even my little one, who I only began watching this week, greeted me with a smile and a hug. I was thinking as I stood there in the midst of this love fest, "I wish I could bottle this and sell it. All the benefits of prescription drugs without the side effects!".

I'm recalling what a demanding baby/toddler my thirteen year old was. He didn't sleep much during his first five years of life unless he was on my chest or some part of his body was in contact with some part of mine. As an infant he really wanted no part of anyone holding him but me, even my poor husband wasn't a sufficient substitute until he was over a year old. During those years, I needed to lay with him until he would fall asleep and then carefully sneak off into my bed. If I was lucky a couple of hours would pass until the feel of his peering eyes against my back would wake me from a sound sleep (yes, we mom's DO develop a sixth sense when it comes to our children!) and off we'd go, back to his room to repeat the process. After a good two years of doing this, I simply became too tired to continue the routine and would wake up many mornings in his bed.

I can't tell you how many people over those first few years offered their opinion on how to break him of his poor sleeping habits. Even people I didn't really know well felt it necessary to put in their two cents. Some loved me and saw how run down I was becoming and truly were trying to be helpful, others simply liked to hear themselves talk. Regardless of the opinions, I at the same time was living the teen years with my older boys and knew what was coming down the pike. While there were definitely days I wondered how I was going to function, the reality that this would not last forever and that he too would one day be grown, was always in the back of my mind. Knowing these times would never be revisited was what fueled me to keep going. I understood that what was happening, while draining, was very special.

The closeness my son and I shared during those years is irreplaceable. The stories I'd make up every night that always started with, "Once upon a time there was a little boy named _______ (I'd insert his name and then send him off on some wild adventure) and always ended with him saying, "That was a good one Mommy", those were special. Feeling his head resting on my chest and listening to his breathing slow as his little body twitched itself into a deep sleep, that was special. The touch of his hand on my arm in the wee hours of the morning so he could be reassured that I was still there watching over him, that was special. Knowing that he didn't need a pacifier or a certain stuffed toy or a special blanket, that all he needed to keep his world safe and secure was Mommy's love, and being able to give that to him, that was more special than I could ever convey.

Well...I was right. He's now entered his teen years and in order for me to get a hug or a kiss, I pretty much have to put him in a headlock! His usual show of affection is the occasional tug on my arm or a pushing contest or some other slightly aggressive teenage gesture. He'll still go to the movies with me, but only if it's at a theater where he can feel assured that none of his friends will be (and yes, as I was willing to lay down with him when he was young, I am willing to drive to another town for a movie if it means we get to spend time together). My advice is slowly becoming the "STUPIDEST" he's ever heard and I wouldn't get so much as a "Goodnight" if I didn't make a point of going into his room each night to offer it first. Sometimes, if I'm very lucky, when I say I love you I'll get a "Yup...you too".

I have the incredible blessing of my older boys who've taught me so much in life. They've taught me not to fret over the many phases that children go through because none of them are permanent. I remember being SO upset when my oldest decided to put a bunch of little braids in his hair during his teen years. I tried every trick in the book to get him to take them out but with no success. Three days later as he hiked in the woods, one got caught on a tree and it annoyed him enough that he came home and took them out! That's when I learned to pick my battles. My boys have taught me that what IS permanent is the love. If I can offer them love and affection through all of the different phases, it will be there for me in the end. Now that they're grown, they hug and kiss me freely. They tell me they love me all the time and I know my youngest will too. According to him, maybe when he's twenty-one.

Both of my older sons are going to be parents before the years' end. If I could give them and their wives one thing, I would give them the ability to enjoy every moment of the journey. To take advantage of all that each stage has to offer and to be open but not be afraid to listen to their own intuition over what the masses might be telling them. To know that the love is the only thing that matters, the only thing that's permanent and that all the other stuff is just that. Even the mistakes we make as parents can be rendered with enough love. I wish I could make them understand that the love fest days don't last forever but the memory of them and what they had to offer will, so savor it. Savor it all.

xo,
Carrie