The Storm Before the Calm

It's a rainy, cool morning. Open window, slight breeze blowing the long, creamy white curtains hanging in my bedroom. There's an unidentifiable bird incessantly singing it's morning song. The house is all mine, making the only noise I hear the occasional passing car. The sound it's bringing lets me know that it's wet outside. A much needed Spring rain has fallen overnight, leaving that lovely, completely identifiable smell in the air.

This is my favorite time of day. Early morning, before the vibration of the day gets dialed up to frenzy speed. The speed that sadly, we live our lives in with such regularity that we forget there's another speed available. That time before I glance at my cell phone or turn on a computer. Before I hear a radio or a television and knowingly welcome the assault they're sure to bring. This is the time when I find I'm most accessible to myself and can remember who I truly am. If I'm lucky, I can even feel a trace of my divinity.

I found an old journal of mine in a drawer next to my bed and decided to flip through the pages. I've gotten rid of many old journals, knowing instinctively that I was done with them, but not this one. Not surprisingly, almost every line has a message that's still relatable to me. I can hear sadness in my words but I also hear strength and undying perseverance. I see unhealthy patterns giving way to really great ideas/options for being well. I hear confusion, yet razor sharp focus. I can feel the hopelessness being driven out time and time again by faith in a bigger picture. I see an undeniable struggle and then 100% conviction that I am not alone in that feeling. The struggle is real for all of us my friends, but this morning I'm reminded that if you can allow yourself these moments to gain accessibility into who you truly are, you will see that the peace is just as real as the struggle.

I'm sure you've heard the line, "The calm before the storm."? Being able to get a glimpse into my past through the messages on these pages has validated that there is also, most definitely, "The storm before the calm." Something to hold onto when you feel your ship is sinking.

XO,
Carrie