Intimacy

I think when you lose someone you love deeply, alot of what has previously been your life experience suddenly seems so superficial. I mean come on, once you've literally watched life leave a loved one's body and held their hand while it's happening, it's hard to get excited about what's for dinner.

If you've experienced this type of loss, then hopefully you understand what I mean. It's not that I've lost interest in the every day happenings of family and friends, I love them and want to be kept in the loop, but I find more and more that the conversations that once sustained me, now can seem so trivial. The social gatherings that I once enjoyed immensely, now leave me kind of quiet, and frankly just aren't as appealing. It's hard to know what to say at these things now, "Yeah, I no longer have a mother, it breaks my heart that my dad is alone after 56 years with her, my family and I are trying desperately to move through the sadness and your cheese dip is delicious."

I think I've always been someone who longs for intimacy in my relationships, but I find that more now than ever. I don't blame this all on losing Mom, I know it's also due in part to my growing older. I now see life through an almost 50 year old's eyes and that changes perspective.

I've never been one to hold back on sharing my thoughts/feelings with others and I'm excited about  doing just that. I hope I'm brave enough to share intimately with you. If not, then really, what's the point? I'm sure there are plenty of humurous writers out there and hopefully at times you'll find that here too. I'm confident there are plenty of people all too willing to share their political and religious views with you, hopefully you WON'T find much of that here. World events? Maybe. The latest celeb screw ups? That might just be too much fun to pass up! Mostly, what I hope you'll find here is just me. The authentic me, sharing life, the good, the bad and the ugly, in it's most intimate form.

Oh...and PLEASE don't stop inviting me to your gatherings! I really, really do love your cheese dip.

xo,
Carrie