Hands

My mom came to see me again last night. I couldn't see her face, but I know it was her. What I saw was her hand and it was undeniably hers. She was holding a paring knife in it and was cutting a slice off of a piece of fruit. I would recognize that hand anywhere.

Every time she would visit (which was usually weekly) for about the last two years of her life she would bring an apple along with her lunch to share with our Golden Retriever. He would get so excited when Grammy would walk through the door because he knew a treat was in store for him. Mom learned after attempting to give him a different type of apple that only a Gala would do. She got a kick out of that! She would stand at the kitchen sink with the apple in one hand and the paring knife in the other and feed him one slice at a time, until either he got full, or the apple was gone. This is a weekly ritual that I know he misses. After she passed away I tried to feed him an apple and he wouldn't take it. He misses her just as much as the rest of us.

Mom had the prettiest hands, very petite and feminine looking. One day a few weeks before she died, she, my dad, and I were sitting at the kitchen table working on a crossword puzzle, which was often part of the weekly ritual. I had the pen in my hand and was writing down a word when my dad placed his hand on top of mine and said, "You have your mother's hands. You're lucky, they are the prettiest hands.". I smiled and so did my mom. I remember another time when they were visiting and my dad said, "Carrie, you're just like your mother, you get prettier every time I see you.". Every daughter wants her father to see beauty in her, but the fact that mine sees my mothe'rs beauty when he looks at me means more to me than my words could ever express. I know there is a piece of her in all of her children.

My mother was indeed a beautiful woman, and we have countless pictures to prove that, but anyone who knew her, knows that it was her heart that made her beauty shine. Her tender, loving heart. I miss every part of her, including her hands.

xo,
Carrie