Aging

I feel very blessed that I have been able to work with the sick and the elderly. It's given me a perspective on life that didn't exist before I started this job. When you see how some people suffer day in and day out, you can't help but feel grateful. When you see what potentially waits for you down the road, you understand how important a grateful heart is.

Over the past year and a half I have experienced some very powerful moments with my clients, the most recent being just the other day. I was helping a client who's been very ill get dressed for a doctor appointment. This was a very long process as she was incredibly weak and had to stop to rest every 30 seconds or so. This particular client is a very tough, very headstrong, stubborn (need I go on?) individual so it's not easy for her to be in situations where she feels vulnerable. Unfortunately, illness and disease leave you quite vulnerable and dependent, something that's not easy for many people. I've learned that one of the hardest things for elderly or chronically ill people to accept is the guilt that comes with feeling you're a burden.

This client suffers from the same disease (and all of the complications that go hand in hand with it) that has taken the life of her mother and two of her brothers at an age that she is fast approaching. She has two sisters, one of whom almost lost her battle twice this past year with the same disease, and a brother left. They don't live locally so she's left to face this battle without the aid of family. Anyway, we were about half way through the task at hand when she got very still, stared off into space and started talking in a tone that you would expect someone who's very ill to talk in. I had to strain to hear her words...

"The leaning tree isn't always the first to fall. My sisters and I been talkin' 'bout who we think is gonna be the next to go. We all thought it would be _____ (her sister) but I think it's gonna be me."

Her eyes were now filled with tears. "I had a dream the other night but I'm thinkin' it was more of a premonition. I was lyin' in the bed and when I looked up I saw a dark figure all dressed in black. Couldn't see no face cuz it had a dark hood over it's head. I tried talkin' but nothin' came out and then a hand grabbed my foot, started pullin' me out the bed. I tried gettin' away but it had me, it had me real good. It felt so real, you understand? Like somethin' pullin' me to my death."

My eyes were now filled with tears. "I don't know what I done in my life to deserve all this sickness but I really think my time's comin' next. I can just feel it."

When I first started working with her, she let me know in no uncertain terms that she was not a "touchy, feely" type of person, "You white peoples are always huggin' on one another. Just give me a pat on the back or somethin' and that'll do." But on this day, a day when I could find no words, I hugged her and she welcomed it.

My job is a blessing. It offers me a glimpse into the future, a warning that I'd be foolish not to heed. It is inevitable that one day, I too will be old, and perhaps plagued by disease. When that day comes I will pray that I've sown the seeds of goodness and love in my life so they will be there for me to call on when they're needed most.

xo,
Carrie