Fear (cont'd.)

It's good to remember where we've been so we can truly be thankful for where we are. Writing has always helped me to do that, because you can see where you've been right there in black and white. There's no forgetting. It's good and healthy to move past the trying times in our lives but some things should never be forgotten. So in keeping with yesterday's theme, another reminder as to why I am so incredibly thankful -

A MOTHER'S PRAYER

As I lay down to sleep tonight
I sense that ever present fright
My instinct screams its fight or flight
Neither option will rid of this fear

Where are you tonight my precious son
Your descent into hell, long since begun
At first the drug use was so much fun
How could you know this day would come

"Release with love" is what I'm told
So I give you some blankets to ward off the cold
Knowing a car tonight will be your home
And I lay here and pray you'll survive

This safe haven no longer yours to call home
Accepting your darkest hour must be faced alone
This battle with your demons leaves you bare to the bone
How can I possibly help you now

They say I must stop this codependency
God help me, this child's soul is a part of me
Damn it! What else would you expect of me?
I don't know how change will come

My love is enabling this boy to be
All the things he can no longer be
Perhaps the time's come for me to see
Love needs to be different now

But the pain in your eyes overwhelms me so
The tears on your face follow me wherever I go
Still the drugs won't release their powerful hold
Lord please help my defeated soul

There's strength to be found in the heavens above
Maybe with help, I'll find a new way to love
Or maybe, truth be told, my love just isn't enough
Your will must determine your path

You can save yourself or be your worst enemy
Only YOU can control your destiny
It's clear the time has come for me to set you free
And I'll do it, no matter the cost

It's time for me to begin to heal
As best I can with this fear so real
Knowing my heart may always feel
I should have done something more

I surrender it all to a higher being
Test my belief in all things unseen
Give thanks for the shoulders on which I can lean
Heed the advice to simply "breathe"

Divine intervention is now what I'll pray for
That time, faith and love will take us through this door
That this life is something you're willing to fight for
And you know my love, whatever it's form, will always be yours

xo,
Carrie