Inner Critic

I went shopping for jeans yesterday because I've come to accept that the few pounds I put on over the winter are not going to just miraculously melt away after a couple of trips to the gym. It's amazing what putting on a pair of jeans that are too tight (especially when they used to be considered my "fat jeans") can do to my mood.

I have been part of a Womens Group for many years now. We meet once a month and go on retreat together once a year. You never really know what the topic of conversation will be at our monthly meetings. The groups always take on a life of their own depending on what the needs are of the individual members when they walk through the door. Sometimes you don't even know what your own needs are until you come in, plop yourself down on a comfy chair or couch, look around and see the faces of your trusted friends and get the massive jug of chocolates which is a staple at these meetings placed securely in your lap. Then it comes. Much to your surprise it comes with vigor and it continues to spew, sometimes so forcefully that it takes your breath away. I'm always amazed at what you can let go of when you're in a safe environment, surrounded by kindred souls.

Anyway, the other night we got on the subject of the "inner critic". It has other names as well, a couple of which are "negative self talk" or perhaps "The devil"! Whatever you call it, you know it well I'm sure. It's that voice inside of your head that says things to you that are so hurtful you could never fathom saying them to or even believing them about another person. The voice that when I put on those tight jeans screams out, "You are such a disgusting fat PIG! How could you let yourself do this? You are such a LOSER!". But it doesn't end there, I then walk around feeling somehow not good enough as the waistline of my pants cuts into my stomach and the inner critics words cut into my heart.

If we allow ourselves to buy into the words of the inner critic it not only has the potential to affect our mood, it has the potential to affect our life. We don't need to be in a relationship with an abuser to suffer the affects of abuse when we're oh so capable of dishing out that abuse to ourselves.

So what do you do when that voice starts to chime in? I'm sure there are many methods that have been documented on how to deal with this phenomenon effectively. One woman in group says that she asks it nicely to leave the room while she tries to figure out what the message behind the voice is. I on the other hand am not so nice! I've gotten very good at yelling back until it subsides a bit. Or I ask myself what I would say to my children if they were saying these things about themselves and then say those things to myself as many times as I need to until I feel better.

Sometimes the voice of the inner critic is just a big, fat liar and needs to be dealt with as such but sometimes the voice of the inner critic is calling for action, and that's not always a bad thing if like my friend, you can silence it long enough to figure out what that call to action is. Whatever methods we use, I think it's important to remember that we're not alone in our battle against the inner critic and we do have the power to silence it.

Gotta go...my inner critic is calling me to the mall!

xo,
Carrie