Love

Sometimes I feel like I sound like a broken record. I talk about love and blessings and gratitude alot and maybe that's partly because I need to remind myself often of the important things in life. As you get older I think it's easier to stay focused on what's important because luckily with age comes wisdom, as well as the reality that your time on this earth is getting shorter with every birthday you celebrate. Maybe I'm wrong but if this life isn't about love and the connections we make along the way then I don't know what it's about.

A friend whose child I watch called last week to see if her child could come an extra day because she was bringing her mom to the emergency room for what they thought was gallstones. I spoke with her several times over the course of three days and the information was always the same, "Not sure yet, they're running more tests". Yesterday I had her child and when she came to pick her up it was obvious that she was in a state of deep sadness. That state where you're trying to speak and hoping you won't burst into tears, one I understand very well. I went to her and said, "Hugs are included in your daycare fees", and I hugged her. You could see the tears starting to form but she said nothing, quickly gathered her daughter's things, wished me a happy Easter and out the door they went. Last night I got an email saying that her mother has breast cancer and liver cancer and even with chemo they are giving her about two months at best. Her exact words were, "She's so sleepy I'm afraid I won't get to talk to her much more. She needs the meds for the pain and they keep increasing them. It's all happening so fast."

Oh how my heart is breaking for my friend. So fast indeed. I remember when I went with my brother and sister in law to a seminar on grief through the holidays, one of the things the speaker said was that the one thing he hears almost invariably from people is that it happened "too fast". Even in families who knew their loved one was dying when the actual death came it was never expected at that moment.

I didn't really know what to say to her other than to savor every moment left with her mom, say everything it is she wants to say and assume her mother can hear it whether it appears that way or not. Lean on the people who are going through this with her and know that she's not alone even though it seems that way right now. I had my dad, six siblings, their spouses, numerous other family members and friends going through the process with me and it still felt like I was facing it alone at times. Our grief is our own, noone can grieve for us or take it from us and sometimes it seems like a very lonely process but the truth is if we let them, the people who care about us can love us through anything. Love and our connections, what else is there really?

I'll leave you with a quote from Mother Teresa - "Love has a hem to her garment, that reaches the very dust. It sweeps the stains from the streets and lanes, And because it can, it must."

xo,
Carrie